Madilyn, who is now 3 years old, learns something new everyday. On Sunday, she learned how to ski for the first time. Brian, my husband, and I have been talking about taking her skiing for weeks. I was scared she would get hurt. I am always scared she is going to get hurt. I get nervous when she gets in the car with my mom and dad. I get nervous when she takes a walk outside with my mother-in-law. I worry when my husband gives her a bath.
I worry. I worry all the time.
No one prepares you for all the worry that comes along with motherhood. I read every book out there before Madilyn was born. I knew all about labor pains and epidurals and what the top 10 things to pack in my diaper bag. No one gave me a book to read about after the baby arrives. Plus, there is never an age when that worry goes away. It just moves on to the next thing. Juliana, who is now 3 months old, has a little flat spot on the back of her head. Will this go away? Should I take her to see a specialist? Worry. All the time.
I think the trick is redirecting the worry. Once Madilyn had her skis on and she was having fun, I wasn't worried anymore. It was almost like the chance of her getting hurt was worth that huge smile on her face. She loved it. During those moments, I wasn't worried. I was enjoying my child enjoying life. I realized that she will get hurt from time to time. She will get bumps and bruises. She will get picked on by other kids. She will be disappointed sometimes. She may fail a test or two in school. She is not going to live this perfect life and it is not my job to protect her from everything. As a mother, I need to let her live and even at 3 years old, I need to let her experience new things.
It's so damn hard to let go. It's so hard to watch them grow up.
When I saw Madilyn go down that hill on her skis with a smile from ear to ear, the worry went away. It floated away and was replaced with pure joy. I will never forget her face. I will never forget her face as she tried to find me in the lodge and show me how she can ski. I also will never forget how it was to watch Brian have fun with her. I have never seen my husband have so much fun.
I stayed in the lodge and held Juliana and watched them have a blast. It was so hard not to share in this experience with her but I guess I did in my own way.
Worry and all, we had a great day. A day I will never forget.
Nothing helps a worrying mama like a great bowl of homemade soup. Try this out the next day you are full of worry.
Chunky Chicken Soup
4 cups of water
1 large chicken breast (with skin and bones - try to buy organic or from a local farm)
2 carrots, chopped
1 stalk of celery, chopped
1/2 onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 tsp dried rosemary
salt and pepper to taste
couple handfuls of spinach, chopped
2 cups cooked grains (I used brown rice noodles)
In a slow cooker, add the water, chicken, veggies (except spinach) and spices. Simmer on low for about 7-8 hours. An hour before serving, take out chicken breast and pick the bones. (If using good quality chicken from a farm, save the bones and freeze and make stock!) Add the chicken pieces back to the soup. Add the spinach a few minutes before serving. Optional: add some cooked grains like rice or whole grain noodles. Enjoy and don't worry.