Today, I put Juliana down for her nap (on her bedroom floor in her new sleeping bag!) and then ran into the bathroom and took a LONG shower. "Breathe mama, you have time."
This is the sentence that popped in my head. "Breathe mama, you have time." I kept on saying to myself over and over again. Isn't is crazy how much us mamas look forward to shower time? It's "me time." One of my favorite times of the day and I bet it is one of you favorites as well. It's quiet. No one is asking for anything. There aren't toys everywhere. No one needs you to cook anything. Just hot water, relaxation, and quiet. Sweet quiet.
Yet, half way through my shower, I realized that I rushed through lunch and books before nap time. I had a moment of clarity. Slow down. Enjoy the now. Also, I realized how much I miss working on this blog. I miss writing. I miss documenting the adorable things my daughters do and the funny things they say. I miss making yummy food and sharing my amateur photos of my creations. I miss the creativity this blog provides me. I thought about the fact that I haven't written on this blog since Madilyn went to Kindergarten back in August. Wow. Long time.
I took a break. "Breathe mama, I have time."
A break. What this mama needed. I was beginning to find this blog as work. Work that I didn't really want to do. Work that was keeping me up way too late at night. Work that was affecting my sleep and my happiness. Work that felt forced and not from my heart. I was at a point where I was questioning everything I was writing and in that dangerous place where I was comparing my blog to others. I was wondering why my blog wasn't growing as fast as others. I was wondering why I had less "likes" than others. I was stressing why fellow bloggers were making more money with their blog. Not a good place to be.
I reevaluated why I do what I do. "Breathe mama, I have time."
I started this blog and business back in 2009 as a creative way to pass the time between diaper changes and nursing sessions. It was a way for me to have something to work on while I stayed at home with our girls. Being a mom who was home and present was my top priority and it still is. I feel in my heart that this is my calling. This may change in the future, but right now, this is what feels right for us. Finding balance as a mom is tough work. One day, I want to be a full time health coach and blogger and then the next day, I have to be 100% focused on my kids because one has a fever and the other had a rough day. What I realized during my moment of clarity in the shower is that I have time. I am not supermom. I need to be easy with myself. I need to be honest with myself. I can't do it all right now. I also told myself that I am recommitting to this blog. I may write one post a month or 10, it all depends on how I feel and what time I have. I am done putting pressure on myself about it. It's time to get back to finding my heart, being open and honest and having fun with it.
I realized that I have time. My life goals and ambitions all don't have to happen right now. There will come a time when both of my girls are in school and I will have lots of time to work on this business and blog. There will come a time when my house is quiet all day long and I will miss my girls asking me to fill up their water bottles, to play store with them and to help them dress their American Girl dolls. Life is a long time (God willing) and my time will come where this business and blog is my full-time job. Right now, my job is mom. My job is to take my time and make lunch time and books before nap a special time. My job is to relax and enjoy it. My job is to make Juliana feel like she is my number one priority - because she is. My job is to enjoy this one-on-one time with her.
I realized that I can go at my own pace. I should write when it feels right. I should run a program when it feels right. I should write a newsletter when it feels right. No one is judging me or my blog or my business.
So mamas, raise your cup of coffee with me. Heres to the moms who want it all right now. Breathe. Your time will come when you can commit fully to your passions, hobbies and extracurricular activities. Right now, you might just have to be mom 90% of the time. Own it. Make the most of that 10% time where you can dive in and be creative. Don't forget to breathe mama and remember that you have time.
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